I almost broke today when I found out my ex is dating someone else. But instead of using I decided to buy myself a nice new manduka mat and go to a hot yoga class. But the time I finished the pain had passed and I was fine. I feel sort of like I passed a kind of test. Im a lot more confident in my ability to deal with shit and stay sober now.
I wrote about this in a post on another sub but I just wanted to share it again because it means a lot to me.
“This is what I’ve found to be the hardest part of sobriety by far. You have to allow yourself to be in pain. You can’t just numb it away. You can’t fight it. Only sit with it. And I know that its much healthier to actually process it. I know that this is what I have to do to stay sober and get what I want out of life. But its just so incredibly hard.
You know what it reminds me of? Sometimes when I feel really beat up from doing too much hot yoga I’ll get a bunch of bags of ice, stick em in my bathtub, run some cold water in, and take an ice bath. What follows is an intense mental struggle to just stay in the water even though every part of you is screaming at you to get the fuck out.
Thats what this shit is like.
Im just holding out hope that maybe just maybe if I stay in the tub long enough the ice will melt.”